nothing taste as good as skinny feels
Archive/RSS
a - 15h - 5'4 hw- 130
cw - 128
gw1 - 120 (get hair dyed)
gw2 - 110 (havent decided)
gw3 - 100 (havent decided)
ugw4 - 90 (still havent decided)
My life kinda sucks.
I havent been on tumblr in over 5 months. Ive been in Utah at rehab. It sucks I cant get on my main tumblr, shearose, I forgot my password and email. This is the only one I happen to remember. I feel so depressed now that i’m back. I dont think anyones reading this, this tumblr has barley any followers anyways. In September I had my life taken away from me. Everything and everyone I lost was gone. Before I knew it my pathetic ass was on a plane on the way to Utah. I was in hell. I had no phone, or computer, nothing. I had no way to communicate with the outside world. The guy I loved never wrote me, he ended up using me. I found out who my true friends were, I realize how fucked up my head really was. When I got back, me and him were great. Everything was good. Then he just ended it. He promised me he would never hurt me, and that he loved me. But he was gone. I guess he’s just another person that will just come and go in your life. It hurt so badly, I wasn’t ready for what he did. I wasn’t. The scars on my arm prove it all. He was perfect. I loved him. I love everything about him. I loved his flaws. We had plans for us. I guess on New Years he just found someone better then me. He reminded me of my old love, Gage, back in February. I always thought to myself, there can NEVER be another Gage. Almost a year later, I found out there really was. But he also used me, and then left me. Whats wrong with me? I found a new guy, I’m going to the movies with him tonight but it’s a little sketchy. He just might be another Gage. Am I really ready to be hurt again? He hasn’t texted me. I gained 15 pounds after I stopped using. I’ve been sober for 5 months now. You have no idea how badly I crave drugs right now. I just want that pink little pill to make me skinny and happy again. My parents think I’m much better now that I’m back. I’m deeply dying inside. So badly. Nothings changed mom and dad. You just make my life more, and more miserable that it ever was. I’m traumatized. Seriously. Having my life taken away from me, my home, my friends and family, being sent to Utah, then coming back 5 months later and getting apart of my life back. Thanks mom and dad, you really fucked me over.
2011, the year of thin. The year of feeling beautifully empty and light-headed. The year of “no thank you” and “I’ve already eaten”. The year everybody tells me I’m beautiful and skinny. The year I get my confidence back. The year I can take pictures I love; the year I become thinspo. The year I get that gap between my thighs, the year of hipbones and collarbones and a prominent ribcage. The year of beautiful long hair. The year of skinny arms and delicate wrists and thin fingers with perfect nail varnish. The year I become happy and full of life. The year of “you’ve gotten so skinny” and “I wish I was as thin as you!” The year I ask him out already! The year I smile and laugh and forget the bad things. The year of fun and excitement and socialising. 2011 will be my year. The year of thin. Just watch me.
i wish i had a real friend in which we could work together, become as beautiful as these two and fly through to sucess. but in reality im on my own struggling with my demon hunger urges and people telling me to eat.
